Why I disappeared...and why I came back


Kia Ora,

I haven't been able to blog for the last year.  Then the world changed and it woke me up. 

There were a few months last year when I didn't want to do anything at all.

Depression, malaise, a slump, marinating, pondering, avoiding  - there's a whole thesis in there. Ironically, in June 2020 in the USA, many, many people are traumatized, isolated, depression, anxious, scared - maybe I was just a year ahead.

I can't claim trauma (or anything really, apart from white privilege) but I "lost the plot." It's a Kiwi phrase. I was too anxious to work with new clients, nothing really excited me, I had no momentum, no interest. So, I quietly withdrew.

Then the (&^!! hit the fan  in late Feb. And I don't mean Covid-19. I mean I was so unhappy I told my husband if I didn't see some intense sunshine (I live in Seattle, remember?) ...well, let's just say the consequences weren't pretty. There's valid reasons why we hadn't/I hadn't taken myself off for some UV, but in truth, it was because I didn't believe my reality. I need sunshine to function.

Anyhoo - we went to Arizona before the world fell apart, and as it did, I was put back together.

There was some extra help. Yes to SAD lights. Yes to hypnotherapy. Yes to medical help. Yes to the Great Unicorn (or whatever you want to call it.) Yes to friends, amazing ex-clients.

I should have known. A trip to Hawaii birthed The Happy Wardrobe. Another trip kick started a novel. I don't want to be a part time human, so from now on, I will have regular access to sunshine. And I'm being really careful who I let into my life.

As for Covid-19...

Colleagues and family have lost jobs, cut back, pivoted, reassessed their lives, woken up to nature. Relationships have imploded, businesses are closing and opening.  IRL is dangerous, but so is isolation.

Suddenly my preference for working virtually from home is OK. My 85-year old friend has used Zoom. I've learned to play Roblox thanks to my nine-year-old nephew, who luckily still thinks I'm cool.

My husband works from home and I like it (apparently I'm in the minority)

And, I sobbed alongside my friend as her dog lay dying in another country.

Ps. I'm proud to be from NZ.

Then the USA caught on fire: BLM.

I reached out to a friend who is directly affected - as are her two little girls. She provided me with educational material about why this movement matters. Let me know if you'd like it.

I live in Bellevue, Cap Hill is across the bridge. Don't believe everything you see on the news.

And yes, fashion still matters. Conscious consumerism is important. Wearing clothes that express your values and your true self - still vital. It's OK to still care about that.

I'm here.


Photo by Pille-Riin Priske on Unsplash

Stacey London "...accept new versions of yourself."
Why self doubt got between me and my love of leopard skin.



So grateful to have you in my life. Love you, too.
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Riah Gonzalez

You wrote a thing! I love it! I love your voice and thoughts and penchant for sunshine even though we live in the moldy state. Here’s to holding the world in one hand, the sun in the other - all while swinging in a hammock.
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Peter Joblin

You write well, I enjoyed this most because I get the naked Kiwi aphorisms and they transport me back to the long white cloud. Love you
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